Freezing eggs is really expensive.

I’m 34, about six months away from the age that fertility specialists claim that egg quality starts to decline. So, I’m looking into freezing my eggs.

Some women enter adulthood knowing they want to be moms. I’ve not had that sense since I was 18, but every now and again, I wonder if I’ll have a life partner who has always dreamed of being a dad. I have felt the willingness to be a mom when I’ve been in love and can envision the kind of father my partner will be… and wow—what a gift to give them and a future child. Also, parenthood doesn’t seem so daunting with a really committed, supportive partner. However, if having a child doesn’t happen for me, I won’t feel like I missed out on my life’s purpose.

Even still, something about my biological clock ticking down has me a bit panicked- what if I do want to birth my own children in the future for any myriad of reasons?

Beyond my own personal worries, there’s also this greater societal message that is getting more airtime. Here’s a tweet from Elon Musk that points toward it:

As a woman, I have a societal obligation to bear children– even doubly so because I have abundant resources, am smart, and would probably be a good mom.

It is tough to make a decision like this when I’ve not found a life partner, still have lofty career ambitions, and generally am pretty scared to put my body through the experience of growing another human.

Balancing all these factors has me wondering what I could do to keep my options open.

Enter egg freezing.

Conservatively, it costs $11,000 for one cycle that is likely to retrieve around 10 eggs. If the retrieval is successful, storage of said eggs costs over $1k per year.

I have a bit of a gripe with Elon Musk and the traditionalists who are talking about civilizational suicide. Research has shown that older moms are better moms. They are more prepared for motherhood, and often, their children have better behavioral, social, and emotional functioning.

I’m a 34-year-old woman who is on the fence about bearing children, and my option to mitigate the biological risk of conceiving with aging eggs is to spend over $11,000 for a procedure that may or may not work for eggs that I then may or may not end up using. Also, this procedure isn’t covered by insurance.

The government or these independently wealthy individuals who care about societal collapse need to find ways to make egg-freezing financially accessible. If this procedure were $2,000, I would easily sign up. Due to the cost, I’ll instead decide not to freeze my eggs and just hope that the stars align enough that I meet a life partner with enough time to make a joint decision about child-rearing. So I’ll potentially be childless, despite the fact that having a child later is not only scientifically viable but also could be better for my child’s development.

Of course, I’m okay with all of this in the macro sense. I can surrender and trust God or Love or whatever mysterious force keeps us going, but I’ll also feel sad and helpless sometimes as I reflect on my options.