Journal submission: Relatefulness and IOPT

Relatefulness and IOPT

A look at how integrating certain elements and practises from IOPT (Identity-Oriented Psycho-trauma Therapy) can enhance the experience of Relatefulness, particularly the Relateful Flow practise

My background: 

I certified as a basic level facilitator of Relatefulness in June 2025. Prior to that, in 2020 or thereabouts, I did an online facilitator training with Vivian Worthington in IOPT, after having spent a couple of years attending IOPT groups regularly. I also attended a course with the founder of IOPT, Franz Ruppert. 

Definition of terms:

Relatefulness

Relatefulness comprises a group of three practices which have been adopted from other systems, tweaked and rebranded as “Relatefulness”. These are the three ‘F’s’ of Relatefulness: “Fundamentals”, an adaptation of “Authentic Relating Exercises”; “Focus”, an adaptation of Guy Sengstock’s “Birthday Circling”; and “Flow”, an adaptation of John Thompson and Sean Wilkinson’s “Surrendered Leadership”. Many, though not all, of the Relateful facilitators also have a predilection for Ken Wilber’s Integral Theory. A study of this theory is part and parcel of the Relateful coaching course, but not a part of the basic level facilitator training. The Relateful Company was originally called “Circling Anywhere” and was a break-off of “Circling Europe”. As such, it was part and parcel of the happy international community of relational practitioners who generally labelled what they did as “Circling”. This happy community was somewhat disrupted when Guy Sengstock decided to trade-mark the title “Circling”. This stimulated much rebranding. “Circling”, a much less cumbersome title than those of all the subsequent brand splinter groups is a magnificent and game-changing practise. It’s like therapy but not. It’s like an intimate chat, but different. It’s like play, but incredibly disciplined. It has the power to transform one’s experience of life itself. 

IOPT

IOPT stands for Identity-Oriented-Psycho-trauma Therapy. It was created by Franz Ruppert over 20 years ago as an evolution of Bert Hellinger’s “Family Constellations”. A less-wordy and more descriptive title of this practice is “Constellations of Intention”. Family Constellations was first developed by the German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger in the late 20th century. He was working in South Africa with Zulu tribe’s people, and was deeply impacted by the relationships they had with their ancestors. From his experiences, he developed Family Constellations. This method is controversial, as it is somewhat mystical, deriving its potency in part from a willingness to lean in to the universal morphogenic field and “channel” information which is useful to the client. Done most often in groups, the client chooses people to represent their parents/siblings/primary carers/ancestors. Time and time again, as the field is created, uncanny resonances are reported: “When you spoke, you sounded just like my father; you even used unusual turns of phrase that he often used; how could you know? I didn’t even tell you”. Repeatedly, it seems that the participants are somehow unconsciously “tuning in” to the client’s ancestors, and channelling information which can be deeply healing for the client. Ruppert took things a step further. He discovered that all that was needed, rather than picking people to be each of your family members, was for the client to formulate a “statement of intention”. He recommends that this is fairly concise; something like, “I want more love in my life”, or “I want more career success”; “I want to heal my marriage”; “ I want to heal my body”, etc. Then, from that intention, pick a person for each word. For example, pick someone to represent the word, “I”, then someone for “want”, someone for “more”, and “love”, and “in”, “my”, “life”. Then he allows the group process to unfold spontaneously, with each representative reporting what they are noticing, both in terms of their feelings, and the relationships with the other representatives. Uncannily, it is found that gradually and spontaneously, certain representatives will start unconsciously resonating with the client’s family members, or significant people in the client’s life. From here, deep processing, deep understandings, and deep healings can occur. 

My experience of IOPT

Perhaps the biggest takeaway for me, from the IOPT experience, was the direct experience of the potent power of intention, within group process. It is absolutely uncanny, how IOPT processes unfold deep understandings, as if by magic. And it was extremely healing for me to be involved in this. A comparison would be a Tarot card reading. The reader hands me the cards and asks me to shuffle them, keeping my intention in mind. When I feel complete with the shuffling I hand the pack back to the reader and they lay the cards out for me. Hey presto! The cards reveal deep truths about the very issue about which I was thinking. How did the cards know how to place themselves? This is down to the magic and synchronicity of the universe. This is comparable to what happens in a constellation.

Relateful Flow

Relateful Flow, or Surrendered Leadership, is sometimes regarded as the most advanced and profound Relateful practise. It is the flagship practise of the European group, “Transformational Connection”, and was developed by its leaders, John Thompson and Sean Wilkinson. As a practise however, it has not been without its problems. Sarah Ness has described Surrendered Leadership as the “Circling equivalent of dangerous sports”. During my own Level Up training programme, I found that after about 99% of the Focus sessions I felt really good. By contrast, only after about 90% of the Flow sessions did I feel good. After the other 10%, that is to say, about one in every ten sessions, I felt absolutely awful: enraged, hurt, vowing to discontinue the training, or at very least not attend any more Flow sessions. That would last about 24 hours, after-which I would role my metaphysical sleeves up and get down to some serious processing of what had occurred. Sometimes I would need a therapy session or two to help integrate the experience. After about two weeks’ time I would at last be ready for another Flow session. The integration time gradually shortened for me throughout the course, so that now, even after a traumatic Flow experience, I’m usually back on track within 24 hours. 

Why is Flow risky?

I think Relateful Flow/ Surrendered Leadership can be risky for the same reason that Ouija board can be risky. It’s all connected to the power of intention, in creating reality. In the Ouija board, a group of people all place a finger on the same cup, and then the cup spontaneously moves to different letters of the alphabet, spelling out “spirit messages” for participants. The reason it can often be traumatising, in my opinion, is that the intention of the participants, who are often young teenagers, is often to titillate and scare each other. It’s the sort of thing some folk do after watching a horror movie. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in the spirit world, and the power of the spirit world to provide occult messages through the Ouija board, but even more powerful is the power of human intention. If my intention, first and foremost, is to titillate and scare, what sort of spirits am I going to attract? Mischievous ones who get a kick out of scaring people. This is why Ouija board can indeed be traumatising. It can give the unequivocal message that a) the spirit world is real (it is), and b) it’s dangerous (it isn’t necessarily, but can be if you approach it in the wrong way). Similarly with Flow/SL; I notice that folks engaged in this practise often come from a so-called “non-dual” perspective; a curious philosophy in which there seems to be a tendency to villainise any conscious intention whatsoever. The reasoning goes: if I am in A, and I intend to move to B, that means I must have some bias against A, so therefore I’m being very dual; tsk tsk. So I try not to have any intention at all. But there’s a problem here; we are intentional beings. We cannot live without intent. If we try, we will fail (I’ve tried it! - 15 years a Buddhist!). So all I can really do is PRETEND to myself that I don’t have any intention. But underneath, I surely do. Whether that intention is to show everyone what a cool facilitator I am; show everyone what an amazing spiritual guru I am; or just assuage my gnawing sense of loneliness, there will definitely be, somewhere, some reason I’ve signed up for this Relateful Flow session. And if it’s a negative-ego reason, for example, to prove how much cooler I am than anyone else; then I’m asking for trouble, and the whole process is liable to descend into conflict, because that’s a fundamentally destructive reason to attend a Flow session. 

Integrating the Two

I’ve found that for me, it can feel super enriching and stabilising to integrate aspects of IOPT into my attendance at Flow sessions. Ten minutes before the Flow session starts, I sit in stillness by myself, and tune in to what I most desire in my life. What is most pressing for me today? Greater career success? Greater health? A particular socio-economic or world issue? Where is the orientation of my desire for myself and my world? I state that to myself. I write it down on a piece of paper. I focus on it. I then silently affirm that whatever emerges, whatever transpires in the ensuing Flow session will be a manifestation of the healing principles needed to bring about the very transformation I am seeking. I then let go, relax, and enter the Flow session. I do the Flow session completely normally; I don’t try and remember my intention. I just let go. After the Flow session I come back to my piece of paper. I review my intention. I write down key elements of what occurred in the Flow; the feeling tones; the key protagonists; as if recording a dream. I look for the symbolism, the messages, in relation to my intention. In this way I find I’m never disappointed. Even if I haven’t said anything aloud during the session, it will undoubtedly have meaning and value for me.