Prior to reaction and choice of action is awareness of Self talk
Borrowing from Albert Ellis's Rational Emotive Therapy (RET)
- A: Antecedent event - something happens.
- B: Self talk: What you make it mean, what you tell yourself.
- C: Behavior choice - what you do, actions you take, words you speak
- D: Influence on the relationship
Where you and I can have the most impact on the outcome of our live and relationships is at B - Self talk what we make it mean. Essentially, we are obliged to distinguish for ourselves "What lies beneath our choices of action?"
Example of poor negative outcome, negative, poor outcome
- A: Antecedent event arriving home to find no dinner ready.
- B: Self talk:
- There is something wrong here!
- Emotions: anger, upset, outrage
- C: Behavior choice -
- "Where's my dinner? When I come home after a long day's work I expect dinner!"
- D: Influence on the relationship - Negative - less love, less connection, weakened relationship, poor model for raising children.
Example of Good outcome - same antecedent event.
- A: Antecedent event arriving home to find no dinner ready.
- B: Self talk:
- This is unexpected. Curiosity and concern.
- C: Behavior choice -
- Are you OK? Do you need something from me? I'll cook dinner tonight.
- I'll take the kids out for pizza. Take some time for yourself.
- D: Influence on the relationship - Positive: love, supportive connection, caring atmosphere, good modeling for the children, and so forth
Viktor Frankl clearly had superior Self-talk and his choice of response to horrific circumstances.