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Daily Alchemy: a question to think on together
“When a relationship has real damage in it, what helps you decide to repair it rather than walk away?”
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- annabeth...
You’re doing sex wrong: What I wish everyone knew about the emotional presence, physical skill, and energetic magnitude of blissful, fulfilling sex.
Emotional Presence Orgasm is a paltry goal Orgasms aren’t always a clear yes-or-no thing for me. There’s an ever-growing range of pleasurable experiences that I call “orgasm,” and the one I’m certain would be widely agreed upon as an orgasm is the least pleasurable one for me... Emotional Processing is NOT a Healthy Relationship Practice
You may know that I am not about verbal emotional processing. I define this as “speaking about the issues between us while they’re happening.” It can also apply to clearing old resentments or revealing withheld hurt.... How relationships cultivate Who I Want To Be
I have this thing consistently happen in romantic relationships about 10 months in… I find myself doing a full inventory of if my partner is helping me become who I want to be. What am I training myself to do in this connection?... Monogamy v polyamory
Is monogamy better? Is poly better? Is there an overall norm for people, with exceptions? Is it totally pluralistic? Here are some points for monogamy, with some counter points, to convey some of my uncertainty but nevertheless leaning into what I’ve chosen: Point: I don’t know a... Erotic energy is often not about sex
I think it is mostly an impulse to create something together. I don’t have a good model for the causal mechanism of how it works, but I think that attraction essentially hints at a specific potential between the two parties.... - Fab...
We don't always have to feel connected with ourselves first to connect with others. Sometimes, I find myself in connecting with the other.
Waiting to feel a certain way to join others, like waiting to lose weight to start going to dances; or waiting to feel confident to make that call we dread; or waiting for "signs" to talk with your partner and tell them you've thinking about separating (you thinking about it IS... You're codependent but luckily codependency isn't bad
Picture it, two astronauts floating deep in space. Don't worry how they got here, just know that they're floating so close they can touch. Do you know how space works? If we're in space and I actually bump you or something bumps into me...we'll float...away...possibly forever.... - Thea...
We need to stop shaming small dicks
OK this was meant to be anonymous cos I don't want to be slut shamed ... But I can't create a second anon account right now, looks like that anon account is just going to the wait list.... I think about boundaries as how I’m able to operate while being who I am. Eg. I don’t have generally strong boundaries around being yelled at because I can generally operate with an open heart while being yelled at.... - Arun...
The assumption is "I should tell you about the worst things I'm feeling. The most important thing is the worst feeling or event that has transpired between us lately. It’s natural that that will be the center of my attention.... I've also thought about this and seen similar things. I think sexuality is extremely deeply tied into all our machinery because of evolution, so I'm sure you can find examples of all sorts of complex configurations.... - Sara Schultz...
Boycotting Explanation
I've been experimenting lately with refusing to explain in relationship. I was raised by a lawyer and legal assistant and in the context of my upbringing being able to explain myself and my experience/emotions/etc (and implicitly justify myself) was my ticket to my... - Sara Schultz...
I am the luckiest (but mostly the best).
Today is the 9th anniversary of my first date with Jeff and, at 31 years old, I am struck by how incredibly blessed I am to have been with a partner for almost a decade and to truly feel that over 3,285 days of knowing with him I really have grown to love him more every day.... - Fooljeff...
How easily we join in the mockin' chorus even when our own experience tells us a different story. How we ignore that fuckin' stab of conscience, that whisper that says, "This ain't right." We do it to belong, to seem worldly, to avoid confrontin' our own insecurities.... - josefine...
Envy and desire
I’ve been studying quite intensively with Kasia Urbaniak this summer. One thing she’s focusing on is something she calls emotional alchemy: moving emotions and "cooking them" so that they can lead us towards what we want. One example she talks about is turning envy into desire.... I think appreciation is like investing; so is resentment. 🙌
You put in a little bit every day, and with compounding interest (it generates more of itself) you can end up with a fortune. Everyone from yogis to Tony Robbins says stuff like this— “whatever you put your attention on grows.” Why?... - nat...
Yesterday, during our tango lesson, I was feeling out of sync dancing with my wife. Our teacher shared that it was because I was moving ahead of her. I was focused more on executing the steps rather than being completely present with her and moving together.... - Benzi...
Junzi: It’s Not Just a Podcast, It’s A Relationship
Launched today a new podcast on relational ontology with my long time love. We talk about moving through painful conflict, building strategies for communication, practicing boundaries and reassurance, non-escalator relationship structures, radical honesty, playfulness, and... How much stock do you put in the concept of only taking advice from people that have the kind of life or [insert x quality/trait] that you also want?...