Hello, individuals.
I am a sad man who is struggling with basic life responsibilities and cannot find the will power within to better myself or the position I constantly put myself into on a daily basis. I try and try but almost always find myself napping when I shouldn't then beating myself up over it later.
I used to the be most productive of my friends. Ambitious to a nauseous degree. Lively and burning with passion. I failed at an opportunity for career advancement and just gave up after that. Slowly, at first, then abruptly out of nowhere and have not been the same since -_-
I've spent the last two years living in my parents house jobless. They've cared for me and I've done the occasional things to pay them back when I could. Mostly errands that need to be run or chores that could be done. But I've fallen so far behind where I want to be in life that I see myself slipping further and further into depressive episodes and nihilistic tendencies. I do less and less and I cannot stop getting worse.
I say I want to do so many things but never have the drive to do them. I get trapped in doom scrolling. Start creative projects yet put then down and avoiding thinking about them because I don't want to put in the effort to complete them. I read and listening about scientific advancements occasionally. I obsess over the political climate of my country and the disaster I feel SHOULD have been easily avoided but somehow the ignorance of hateful people matches if not exceeds the intellect of people who recognize the importance of empathy.
Yet somehow I am still here. Alive. And sad.
Posting. And upset.
Reading articles about the world around me and still unable to change myself for the better.
Listening to the good and bad that social media has to offer and I remain stagnant still.
I day dream of a world better than what I see and the potential I may carve out of it if only I would use the tools I've collected. Though still I am addicted to my vices.
I envision a time where our policies reflect our combined ambitions while simultaneously protect the rights all people deserve.
I am so sad. Motionless where it matters.
But I have hope that it all will change.
That I will change.
That I may become a force of change in my world and the world outside that truly alters most everything I see and feel from the world beyond myself.
I'm not sure where to start. Though I hope that I will soon.
Perhaps, UpTrust may provide an environment capable of letting me do so. Rather than my usual mainstream social media.
Here's hopin'.