IT’S 3 PM ON A SATURDAY; WALMART IS PACKED. THE PARKING LOT LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF AN APOCALYPSE FILM.
I’VE COME FOR ONE THING: A STRONG BUNCH OF DRINKS. ALSO FOR ANOTHER REASON: THE LOWEST PRICE.
I GO TO MY BEER AISLE TO FIND THAT HALF THE SHIT I WANT IS ALREADY SOLD.
HAVE TO SPEND MORE MONEY THAN I WANT TO, BUT IT’S OK BECAUSE I’M HELPING OUT MY BILLIONAIRE BROTHERS RULE THE WORLD.
I WANT TO SPEND 9/10 DOLLARS, TOO BAD I SPEND 15 ON DOGSHIT THAT GIVES YOU CANCER!
THE WORST PART:
THE CANCER BEER IS CHEAPER THAN THE FOOD ONE NEEDS TO SURVIVE!
AHHHH BUT THIS IS ALL FODDER. BUT BEER IS ACTUALLY WORTH SPENDING MONEY ON.
AT LEAST I KNOW IT WILL SOOTHE MY GROWING EXISTENTIAL DREAD.
WHATEVER, GET OVER IT, GET OUT OF THIS HELLISH NIGHTMARE OF A STORE.
I HAVE MY 12-PACK OF BUD AND GET IN LINE.
THE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF ME ARE BUYING ENOUGH POISON TO KILL A SMALL VILLAGE.
WHO CARES.
I’M SO DISASSOCIATED THAT NOTHING MY EYES PERCEIVE MATTERS OTHER THAN THIS LINE SPEEDING UP.
GUY GETS BEHIND ME. PUTS DOWN THE SAME EXACT 12-PACK IN BOTTLES.
TELLS ME TO ENJOY IT.
I’M ALIVE! OH, HOW I FORGOT, THERE ARE REAL PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD!
ASKS ME MY PRICE: “12 DOLLARS”
“WHAT’S YOURS?”
“RIGHT AROUND 15,” HE SAYS
“FUCKIN BULLSHIT... WE USED TO PAY 7 DOLLARS FOR THIS!”
“AND FOR WHAT? WALMART IS WORTH 400 BILLION!”
AND THOSE SAME GUYS SIT AROUND A CONFERENCE TABLE LAUGHING AT US, AND FOR WHAT!”
“NOTHING...”
“TO GO TO ANOTHER LAND AND TAKE THEIR RICHES...”
I FEEL HIS PAIN, I FEEL HIS ANGER, I AM HIS ANGER.
“AND WALMART IS THE WORST, NOTICE HOW THERE’S NEVER ANY ASIANS IN HERE?”
“AND THE BEER IS STILL CHEAPER THAN THE JUICES AND FOOD YOU WANT,” I SAY, LAUGHING.
“IT’S ALL POISON. BUNCH OF FUCKIN BULLSHIT...” HE SAYS.
HE MUTTERS CURSES; I AGREE AND LAUGH.
“IT’S ALL A FIGURE OF SPEECH ANYWAYS,” HE SAYS WITH A SMILE. TO PROTECT HIMSELF. THOSE WHO ARE SMART KNOW. HE KNOWS. I KNOW.
FINALLY, IT’S MY TURN TO CHECK OUT, BUT I CAN’T.
WALMART DOESN’T USE APPLY PAY SO THAT YOU WILL SIGN UP FOR THEIR APP. WHY? TO TRACK YOUR SPENDING,
PACK UP YOUR DATA AND THEN SELL IT TO WHOEVER THE FUCK! YOU ARE A BATTERY, A CLOWN, AND JUST A NUMBER.
THESE PLACES ARE INHERENTLY UNAMERICAN, ANTI-HUMAN.
I SAY, “YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M BAILING ON THIS SHIT”
AND I WALK OUT, FIRED UP. FIRE UP YOUR BROTHER, DO NOT PARTAKE.
IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOU ARE RICH OR POOR. THEY GET AN EVEN BIGGER KICK OUT OF PEOPLE WITH MONEY BECAUSE YOU ARE EASY!
THE MOST SATISFACTION COMES FROM TAKING THE LAST DOLLAR OF A POOR MAN.