On the plethora of Therapeutic modalities.

There's a genre of book that's the therapy modality book. They're all the same. They go

I was a therapist and what I was doing wasn't working, and then I discovered <specific technique the book is advocating> and then it cured me and all my clients and now things are great and we just need to teach everybody this technique.

So many therapy books are like this. Focussing, the IFS book, the EFT book, to name a few. The various ACT books. Waking the Tiger.

And the specific technique is different from book to book. Radically different. And even contradictory.

So what's going on here? Apart from probably there's some book somewhere about how to write a therapy book, or some ghostwriter that's cranking these out?

If we take these stories as more or less true, how do we make sense of these seeming contradictions?

This is not a rhetorical question! I'm going to give you my best guess below, but please take a moment to think of your answer, and ideally post it in the comments for everyone to see. I am very much interested in other answers here.

Ok, my best guess (at least, the guess that I find most interesting):

What works is having a therapist who believes they are helping. It's like the placebo effect. If the doctor handing you a sugar pill is like "Yeah, idk, people told me this is helpful. lmk what you think", my guess is, you're not going to get much placebo effect out of that pill (actually they've done research and you do still get some but not as much iirc).

So when the therapist is out of school, they're doing what they were told works, but for a certain kind of mind, that doesn't give them confidence. So then they have to go on a big heroes journey, and come back with some technique, some approach, that for whatever reason they believe in.

Now they're back, and they believe it works, and low and behold, it does!

It's like Dumbo's magic feather.

"some technique, some approach, that for whatever reason they believe in."

So why do they believe in the technique they chose? Because they love to do it. Because, when they're doing it, they feel most like themselves, and they feel most connected with the person they're working with. Or they feel most connected with what they consider important, about a mind, about a heart, about a life.

And maybe this gives it some extra sauce too. Maybe this love of themselves, this intrinsic interest, radiates out, and reminds their clients that they too can love themselves, love life, be enthusiastic, and intrinsically interested.

Or maybe that last part is just what I have come to believe works ;)

A Future I Love is One Where I Can Be Autistic Safely. “You don’t look autistic,” I’m told as I open up about it for the first time with someone I barely know.

This conversation is familiar, considering I have it at least once a month. Thankfully, since I’m not in middle school anymore, this is no longer met with strange looks or shocked laughter; however, adults are just as messy as children – they’re just better at covering it up.

With social advocacy for everyone being newly-prevalent in our society, so many people call themselves “allies,” but never actually do the work that the term requires. Rather, the term they should use is “accomplice” – not actually calling autistic people the r-word or straight-up bullying us, but side-eyeing us when we walk by and treating us like puppies. 

Parents often believe that the minute you step foot in a university, you become more mature. However, especially for fresh-out-of-high-school students, they’re still their same high school-selves, just with an added sense of responsibility. Fortunately, I’ve been able to have accommodations in my classes that allow me frequent breaks and the ability to leave class as needed, yet some professors have seen this as a challenge:

“Elwyn, where are you going?”

“To the bathroom.” I lie. I’m about to have a panic attack and don’t want to make it everyone else’s problem.

My face is red with embarrassment as students stare at me, familiar stifled giggles ringing through my ears. It’s either to console the teacher’s feelings, making a spectacle out of myself as I apologize for interrupting his speech about American history and explain to the entire class that I’m special needs, or leave and not come back.

I take the latter.

Thus, to me, a future that I love is one where I can exist safely, where I can be seen as a person: nothing more and nothing less. Of course, as children, we are taught to “treat others how [we] want to be treated,” though we often leave out conversations surrounding those who are “different,” or, in modern terms, neurodivergent.

One way that I believe a safer future can be created for neurodivergent and Autistic individuals is through education that actually aims to teach people that we exist and are equals, rather than having materials that are a personification of “getting it over with.” Likewise, representation in children’s media is extremely important, especially for those who might not otherwise meet Autistic and other neurodivergent people in their lives. Modern television shows, such as Sesame Street and the character Julia, represent Autistic people in a way that is both educational and respectful, though significant work needs to be done.

Additionally, not only is representation important, but it is needed for neurodivergent and Autistic children. Growing up, I often did not see characters explicitly stated as neurodivergent despite having those traits, and found myself relating to them, such as Mabel from Gravity Falls or Samantha Coleman from Wii Deleted You, leading to my own sense of representation despite the characters never having been confirmed as Autistic. Autistic individuals might see shared traits in fiction and “head canon” a character to have their diagnoses, more confirmed representation is necessary for a kinder future.

While many psychologists say things along the lines of “small steps lead to big change,” it is clear that this is absolutely true – you just have to come to those conclusions yourself. In this case, though, small and seemingly insignificant things that might mean nothing to us can mean the world to someone else. As adults we can think of something as a child that shaped us, and in my case, I believed that I couldn’t go into the bathroom late at night or else Slenderman would get me. Seeing Autistic and neurodivergent characters in media and also learning about how children can treat others who might not think similarly to them, can make a necessary change in our society that creates a future that not only I would love, but other Autistic people would, too. 

#FutureYouLove

Telepathy is Real. I've just listened to the podcast The Telepathy Tapes and now I believe telepathy is real.

The baseline premise is that nonspeaking autistic people have telepathic abilities with people who recieve them with open-mindedness and love. They have it with each other, and are able to meet in another realm at a place they call The Hill, where they can speak freely with each other and learn massive amounts of content instantaneously. In the final episode of the season, we get loads of clips of what individual nonspeaking autistic people wanted us to know, information they painstakingly spelled out one letter at a time. They are concepts and perspectives I've only heard from the deepest meditators I've ever come across. They are concepts that, in my opinion, can't be pretended with that level of accurately by anyone who hasn't had direct experience of Oneness.

Since then, at night before I fall asleep I practice opening my heart and exploring for The Hill. I also imagine creating invite-only Flow sessions where nonverbal autistic people and their family member and/or personal aid join, and we speakers open our hearts to listening from there. We would also speak what we find out loud, and the nonspeakers can use their spelling techniques to guide us when they want to.

Since the movie Arrival came out I've stayed captivated by its premise. Benevolent aliens arriving to show us a new way to see reality and bridge divisions. The thought that belevolent teachers are already here in the form of nonspeaking autistic people, they've always been here, and they're the people we've tended to ignore and pity is so incredibly compelling to me and gives me immense hope for humans, the earth, and the future.

The church I grew up in, and still attend when I travel home, has a member named Erin who is nonverbal autistic, though she can say "mama." My attention has always been particularly drawn to her. She seems to see me, but in a different way than other people. One Sunday during worship, she pointed into the air and behaved the excited way she did when she saw someone she really likes. I was maybe 7 or 8, and it seemed entirely true to me that she was actually seeing someone and not just imagining it. I loved it, and loved seeing clear evidence that the invisible person was someone joyous to be with.

The podcast says that the reason they are nonverbal is muscular- a lack of fine motor skills, which is what speaking is. But that they can communicate very slowly with gross motor skills by pointing to a board with letters or tapping them on an ipad. It makes sense to me that a fully capable brain inside a body that demands slowness and introspection would naturally find the realms that meditators spend their lives intentionally cultivating, as well as realms beyond.

I want to listen to what they want to teach me.