You drift off

We are in the hot tub talking.

"I don't know what you want me to do," she says.

"What?"

"You drift off for fifteen minutes, and I can ask you about what we were just talking about, but then you look at me like I'm crazy because that was so long ago."

"I do?"

"Yeah, and I feel trapped. Like, I'm not allowed to leave. But I suppose that's not actually true. I can leave. I think you get annoyed, though, if you see me on my phone. You want me to stay with you while you aren't here."

I come into my body. "Woah! You're right. I wasn't here. I do this all the time?"

"Yes."

I feel like I'm on drugs. I hold myself in my body. "Okay, I'm going to stay." I can feel the drift. "Ah, I just thought about sleeping with an escort, and I normally wouldn't want to tell you about that, but that is when the drift is starting."

"It's like an intrusive thought?"

"Yeah, I guess . . ."

"I don't want you acting on intrusive thoughts. If it was intentional, maybe."

"You lost the thread, I'm talking about drifting."

"And what? I'm not allowed to share my impact!?!"

"Okay, fine. Everything in my life has been to optimize for sex and video games. I'm a selfish child."

"You don't need to sleep with a prostitute; you need to pick something that matters to you and do it. You tricked me into marrying you."

"Yes."

"No, you can't use my money to have sex." She sighs, "and on another level I think it's fine."

"I like both layers." Something about the boundary feels very good.