On gratitude, awe, and breakthroughs

I believe in the conscious practice of gratitude, even in its simplest 'glass half full' form. Despite any challenges I've had in my 54 years I feel fortunate to be rich in this emotion.

I must admit, though, that despite my efforts to enter the state, almost all of the peak moments of gratitude in my life have happened to me -- I was a receptacle, and it arrived; often in a way that reminded me of the size of my self and ego in this big glorious universe.

For example, stepping out of my car as I arrive back at my home in the woods of Western Maine, I can glance up at the stars on a clear night and almost begin to cry as the beauty rushes in. It's almost comical to think that I would do something that results in that experience. In the elephant and rider metaphor, it's my elephant that gets jacked into the spiritual feed, and the rider that I experience as 'me' just happens to be sitting in the right place at the right time.

Personal development breakthroughs have often followed a similar pattern. Years of conscious work will result in measurable slivers of change, and then I'm 27 years old, folding boxes in the back of a Pizza Hut, and I'm suddenly awakened to the knowledge that I am not my thoughts or my emotions. What the fuck? I mean if I had at least been eating pizza...

None of this makes me want to stop any of my conscious practices. They exist somewhere between 'essential element of growth' to 'excellent distraction until the next gifted moment'.

Would be curious to hear others experiences. Are your most sublime moments your own conscious creation, the jackpot from life's slot machine, or something else entirely?