"You can't not-have-resentment," they tell me.
"You must have conflict. You must process resentment, or else you're bypassing."
Right on the first count, wrong on the rest.
You can't not-have-resentment. But only because not-having things isn't a thing.
In order to not-have resentment I have my hands full HAVING something else.
If you are tired of managing and processing resentment and would like to simply not-have it, pick something else. Pick something specific, some other relational stance or tone, other than a resentful one.
Resentment is a tone that radiates from the entire body. It is the shadow of Having: Burden.
Resentment is my way of looking upon all I have for the way it causes me problems and gives me more work to do, for the way it is a pain in my ass. I get to see my loved ones only in the context of me, I see how they behave around someone who's constantly irritated with them, critical of them, and overwhelmed by their existence. In my experience of resentment, those I love the most are the most irritating people to be around, I've signed up to have them around a lot, and I'm overwhelmed and overworked. Nobody's happy, and in lieu of that, I cling to how right I am with every muscle in my body clenched.
Ow. No thanks (she says, like someone who gave it up freely rather than having it wrenched brutally from her desperate grasp).
Devotion is what I Have instead, it's my way of looking upon all I have for the way it is ONLY HERE NOW FOR A LIMITED TIME, blessing me in particular. I get to see that there is only this now moment in which I might appreciate and enjoy my loved one, and I would not squander that for an opportunity to express irritation toward them; I'm too busy appreciating what is to even judge that something is going "wrong." I Have love now, I don't leave love to try to get love, I don't stay out of love believing there is some journey back to love. I Have devotion always, I have intimacy always, because I am in relationship to the now moment.
I don't process resentment OR bypass resentment. It doesn't come up because I Have something else.