Feeling Resourced

"Get back here!" I find myself shouting at my focus at times, but that's just a story. The internal tug-of-war isn't real. I could stop giving my attention to the distraction at any time, but I instead let the avoidance process run its course, and then I am resourced to do the task. Let me just run eight miles first, thinking intermittently about the message I want to send, and then I will feel resourced to send it and possibly receive a response that is not to my liking.

I am practicing being okay with things as they are even when they're not how I want things to be. This practice now includes reaching out to 100 people. I shared my goals for the reach outs on Substack:

Goal: Receive advice and opportunities in my career as a coder. I have worked two jobs professionally as a frontend developer, I have done a few freelance coding gigs, I have made over 30 personal projects, and I have my dream industries and missions I would love to contribute to, so what could be next for me?

Goal: Receive advice and opportunities in my career as a tantra practitioner. I have enjoyed learning so much this year about myself and the art of serving others through this fascinating modality that blends conversation and emotional release and touch. I have loved the trainings and the practice sessions and I want to discover how to market myself and let others know that I do this in ways that feel authentic to me.

Goal: Meet and talk with interesting people in Austin. Now that the weather here is trending towards tolerable I’d love to connect with people on a walk or over coffee.

It has been a journey to feel resourced to share my tantra practitioner work to the extent that I have. I originally didn't have any face pictures on that page, but I've learned to feel so resourced through the habitual self-loving act of moving towards what I want that I am becoming less concerned with what others might think of me. Life is happening right now, and my avoidance pattern of letting potential criticism dictate my choices is running its course.

Ten months ago I wrote about sovereignty as a theme for the year: "being myself as best as I can." I am glad to be grappling with my desire to please others since it stands in opposition to work that lights me up. I am happy and grateful to watch myself become more capable and confident and powerful.